hello stranger

2008-06-10T00:47:00.002+08:00

im back from a great trip. wish i could return.
back to the days of doing things without any thought, injesting vices without giving a shit.
there's something about the place that just makes you relax. life Can be that uncomplicated there.

back to the land where things just pile up, everyday is another battle.
BAH

2008-05-02T21:46:00.003+08:00

oohlala. my eyes are wide shut.
super deprived of sleep altho i have so much time on my hands. i CANT sleep damnit. i need a sleep remedy. fark man.
my mum thinks i dont have enough ass to wear jeans nicely. -_-
my maid calls prawns 'prawnies'. (???!!)
i am going to have quite a few parties in my garden.
i cant wait for the long awaited trip.
i am in love with david guetta, i want to marry him.
and curtis stone come home with me anytime baby!
your msn nick intrigues me, hmmmm i hope its not me. haha.
flashes from the past. 2 steps into the future.
i always have a good time with the girls. uber fun and we dance like there's no tomorrow and we're so crazy like that.
my english is not making sense cos im so fuck tired.
but anyway, im doing good baybee! excited about tons of shite.
best times best life.
onward push!

2008-04-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

well, obviously friendship is over rated.
i think i could have told you that. but once again, you drove the point straight back smack in. well done, simply well done.
never expected it to come down to this, the raw level of choice.
and you have apparently chosen your side.
live with it then.
dont come crying when your nice fancy pansy illusion crushes you.
cos we'll be long gone by then, to other better things.

2008-01-09T21:24:00.000+08:00

its been a whole week. how time flies.
i can still remember vividly the events of the past week, right up to the final moment.
its been an intense fight against emotions and the devil of loss. but we all made it through together. despite the momentary lapses in each individual's attempt to hold it together, everyone supported and held each other up, both literally and metaphorically.
i hope we've grown from this.

it takes time to heal. everything does.
i really do miss you, still.

and a big thanks to all who came, who prayed, who gave words of comfort. it is really much appreciated.

2007-12-31T00:43:00.000+08:00

30.12.07

somehow i still havent truly comprehended the situation. that you're not longer with us. somehow i still feel as though when i wake up tmr and go over to your place, you'll still be there. im happy that you've finally gotten rid of this body that was not deserving of you. this body that brought you so much pain and sorrow. but yet a part of me remains selfish and unwilling to let you go, simply because i cant imagine life without you just yet. not yet. watching you for the last time today just hit me like a brick. that i will never get to touch your hand again, never get to call you again, never get to converse with you in my halting teochew or simply the fact that i have nothing to look forward to whenever i go to your place now.
im happy that you finally get to see grandpa and i hope you found your way to heaven.
everyone said that you seemed much younger in your final moments before we sealed you in the casket. i agree. there seemed to be a certain aura about you, a kind of peacefulness that i have missed, in the months when you started to get weaker and more dependent on others.
looking at the final rites being performed, i just couldnt stop sobbing. all at once, i missed the times that we used to go grocery shopping every tues. i always looked forward to that, to walking hand in hand with you, asking you what you wanted, trying to ask you stories about your life, your opinions and just enjoying listening to you and your words of wisdom. even when you got weaker, i still relished the fact that even though you were in a wheelchair, we could all still enjoy taking you out and just letting you have that weekly outing that you looked forward to. i cried for the times that we watched tv together, when i kissed you goodbye and each time you would always make a funny remark. the times when i laid on you and just wanted to be babied. the times when i was younger and you used to pick me up from school and we would always walk out to the central with lots of shops and i would always pester you to buy me things and you always did so. i remember you buying shitake mushrooms specially for me each time i wanted it. and how you would always let me do the cutting of the stems. i remember how you used to hitch a ride on my school bus on the way to the market. how as i got older you never failed to show any less concern for me, always asking after me, cooking my favourite dishes. when exams rolled around,you would always make sure i had enough tonics. that and so many more memories, you were just such an integral part of my life. you were THE grandma that i never envisioned life without. even when you got sick, i always felt optimistic that you would live for a long time, because thats just the way you were, strong, independent and courageous. and now all that's left are the old memories without any chance of new ones to be made. its been exactly a year. one yr ago we were all happily taking a family portrait. one yr ago before everything happened. how things have changed.

after bawling my eyes out time and time again today, i felt a slight sense of relief. of happiness for you. because i know you're in a much better place now. but yet i stll feel i have so much to say to you which now can only be said in my heart. but i know you can hear it still, from up where you are. i still cry for the younger ones, who will never get to know the most perfect grandma to me. they will never have a chance to experience the love that you showered on all of us lucky ones. i cry for their loss.

here's to the happier memories that you have made in my life.
rest in peace grandma.
i love you.

2007-12-19T10:26:00.000+08:00

s< its gonna be/s> it IS an awesome awesome week leading up to christmas.
weeeee. am bloddy excited.
i totally sound like a hyperventilating prepubescent girl who just saw bsb.

lalalala.

2007-12-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

i guess im not the only one who feels this way. that words ever so often, are so inadequate of expressing how we truly feel. they just serve as a sort of camouflage for us to paint an appearance that barely scraps the surface of all things within us. but yet without words we are nothing. its our medium of survival.

the past few weeks have been nothing short of running around like a busy bee, zipping off from one thing to another. i hardly catch my breath. but yet there is so much to be done, so much to see, so much to finish. everyone is going through the same vicious cycle. when will we ever stop to make time for ourselves? when will it ever be ok to do so, to ever not feel plagued by guilt for slowing down to breathe the flowers, to appreciate the little things in life.

im so full of love for life right now. but yet part of me is tired. i need to take a breather methinks. there's so much i want to remember, every minute, every moment, every new experience that comes my way.

and i am thinking only i understand this post.

2007-10-18T19:50:00.000+08:00

stressed. where what how who
disappointed. expected better from you. and you.
tired. cant get enough rest.
irritated. seriously. what the fuck. my premonition was right all along.

that about sums up the week so far.
thank god for the kids who have been pretty lovely this week, giving me that temporary sense of relief.

happy belated mitch. hope you enjoyed yourself last night. and my big sacrifice the whole night ok. haha. send me the pics soon. love you.

2007-10-14T22:35:00.000+08:00

been crazy busy and finally a moment to breathe.
a tad overdue but never too late to thank the people who made my birthday such a lovely affair.

to the lovely people who made time to come down for my dinner and party, thank you loads. i really appreciate you making time for me and spending it with me. all of you mean so much to me in your own special way. lovelove all you guys. =)

to the gigglies for the belated celebration and the super duper classic cutting cake scenario, miss ya guys even more now that im not in school anymore. its always such a tummy workout with you guys around, yeah abs here i come!

to everyone else who wished me and kept me in their thoughts, it is deeply appreciated.

and now, onwards to another crazy week.
here i go!

2007-09-29T21:37:00.000+08:00

aight. and so cos i've been bugged by certain people to give them a birthday list so they dont have to rack their brains about what they can give me, im going to attempt to make some sort of a list, even tho i dont really have any idea of what i want too. ha. so here goes.

MAC/Anna Sui makeup
Nintendo DS Lite ( haha!!)
a nice work bag (that can fit a file if possible)
nice watch ( pref metal watches)
cool room stuff
chunky vintage rings/ bags/ wallets/clothes or whatever that is vintage looking.
ipod nano. (haha!)
shopping vouchers??

ok. i seriously have no idea what i want too. kinda had to force this pathetic list out. if i think of anything else i MIGHT want, i'll let you guys know. :)

2007-09-14T20:27:00.000+08:00

the transition has been so fast. mygosh. i hope i do well on mon. stresssssssss. cant believe time has just flown past like that. can still rem the first day..my goodness...

that day while on the bus home, i was so darn amused by the bus driver.he greeted EVERYONE when they got on and when they alighted. so damn cute mann. and i think he caught me grinning away to myself. it was super funny. everyone was like trying to control their smiles as they walked down the bus aisle. that was a cute day.

my hair almost got ripped off by some kid today. my goodness.

people are such idiotic drivers in the morning. next time, im gonna stab them with an umbrella. or throw dog poo on their windows.

i miss my partner in crime ah teo. boohoo.

the weekend's here!

2007-08-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

im REALLY loving life right now.
i feel so blessed.
and ridding my life of all weeds. oh yay.
ive come to realise who are the ones that will actually be there.
i expected better of some individuals and its sad to know that when you're having a bad day or you just want to celebrate, they wont be there the way you bend over backwards just to be there for them. its sad cos i've learnt not to expect anything from people whom i thought knew me the most.its one time too many.and because failed expectations hurt the most especially when you care so much about the parties involved. ahh well.

ok anyway, back to happier things.
having a blast each and every day.
spending it with the ones who really hold my heart and never fail to make me smile.
all the random rubbish we do. im glad for the sweetest darlings in my life in spite of the bad eggs that i always seem to attract.the ones that only think of receiving. im so glad for all the true friends who have been with me all these years, the ones that i've come to know and love. cos even though we dont meet up often, that fact always feels insignificant when we do because it seems as though nothing has changed. and im so glad for their understanding when im always so busy with other things to meet up with them. fortunately tho, been able to meet up with most of them so far and its gonna stay that way!! ohyeahh.

more importantly, i'll be doing what i love to do and have always longed to do. having opportunities that i can only dream of. thats living life for me.and i dont care what others say. because that's true happiness for me. and im so bloddy excited about everything its not even funny. im so blessed. really i am.

i cant wait for what the future holds.
:)
im so thankful for all the great things that have come my way.

awesome i say.
random pics from wayy back cos ive been lazy to take pics.

2007-07-31T01:41:00.000+08:00

beer belly.
.
not good. not good at all.

2007-07-20T19:43:00.000+08:00

i absolutely and positively cannot believe the situations i get myself into.
who knew the extent of a lost password.
now im locked out from my main email, msn and lots of other stuff.
farrrrrkkkkkk.
ive been furiously keying in all sorts of combination passwords for a day already.
and still no help.
what i need is a damn good hacker.

ARGH.

losing sleep losing sleep.

2007-07-12T02:11:00.000+08:00

2007-06-30T11:17:00.000+08:00

i think its so fuckin amazing how some people can berate you for forgetting to tell them stuff when you were occupied and it honestly slipped your mind.
and then they forget to take into consideration that THEY'VE done the same damn thing a million times over and tried to RUN away from giving answers at the same time.
so ironic. bloddy ironic.
geez.

2007-06-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

aight. so i've been sitting on my arse, feeling darn lazy to do anything and to get out of the house just because i've become so bloddy reliant on medicine (my beloved DRUGS) that get me all high and woozy in a matter of minutes. OK. kidding. ive been .sick since getting back from vietnam, from which the origins spanned from my spat of food poisoning ( sort of, due to hot-cold dutch lady milk) and fever blah blah in hanoi before returning home.

so yes. one entire week of being sick. cough, flu and the works. so damn annoying.
i still remember the doc's CLASSIC expression when i went to see him.
'yes doc i just got back from vietnam'
i swear you could practically see the words 'BIRD FLU. D A N G E R. ' flashing oh so bright above his head. HAHA.
( just to clear the air, i DO NOT have bird flu. dots)

anyway. i wanna re-assert my absolute LOVE AND DEVOTION to anthony bourdain. you so hamsome and can cook la i cant resist you!!! bah. im such a groupie i cant stand myself. BAHHHHHH. travel and living channel rocks my world. love it.

i miss vietnam
i'll be back someday my love.
your chaos and simplicity is so alluring.
im drawn to the depths of your soul.
be still while i find my way back to you.

tons more pics from where those came from. patience rewards.

[CHERYL AND SHIH, send me the pics too k! I sent some to you guys already, check your msn folders! :) ]

july beckons with outstretched arms of fun and lovely times.

2007-05-29T03:26:00.000+08:00

it feels good to be back home.
but i do miss vietnam a fair bit. altho being over there made me so much more appreciative of what we have in singapore. the clean toilets, organized traffic, hot weather WITH winds, aircon, people who understand and speak english. and thats just for starters.
but dont get me wrong. vietnam was fantastic. 11 days of backpacking. crazy travelling from north to south. interacting with the locals and having massive culture shocks. meeting tons of backpackers who are oh so cool. i do wish i had more time to explore vietnam more though. it was crazy packing in all we did in such a short amount of time. but im sure i'll be back there someday in the near future. cant get enough of that beautiful place.
the food was fantastic. big portions at cheap prices. and yummy as well.
the stark differences in traffic conditions between singapore and vietnam sure had me having flashbacks of my life right before my eyes. but im now proud to say im a seasoned and skilled road-crosser. no fear man, no fear. but i guess if i crossed the road the vietnam way in singapore, i'll definitely get knocked down. haha.
nursing a bout of sickness for the past few days. photolog when im better.

2007-05-14T13:16:00.000+08:00

seriously.

i hate it when people take things or people for granted.
i hate it when people are bloddy fucking inconsiderate.
i hate it when the person turns out to be a good friend.
i hate it when you think you're making it right when you're making it worse.
i hate it when you try to make the whole world go with you regardless of whatever's been planned.
i hate it when you just dont care at your own whim and fancy.

and guess what, its sad when we start to not care too.

2007-04-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

im having regular conversations with skits nowadays.
and i think she does talk back to me. (???!)
i havent slept properly for days.i have insomnia.
im on the artificial sugar level diet now. tea, chocs, sweets, milo.

please wheel me to the A&E after my exams.

2007-04-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

everything's history.
back in 5.